First I'd like to say that I kicked a linguistics professor's ass at the ring-hook game at Dave's Dark Horse Tavern tonight.  There's a little hook on a wall and a ring at the end of a rope attached to the ceiling and, well, its the conservation laws lab all over again.  Release the bowling ball on the rope right in front of your nose and conservation of momentum dictates that it will never bash in your face.  Unless you're Mr. Robinson and your AP Physics class hates you and tries to tap the bowling ball a bit as it swings back down the aisle.  I mean, not that I ever did such things.  But I suppose I didn't stop the people that did.

But really meine Lieblings I want to tell you about the signs.  There are two signs in the greater Starktropolis area that make me laugh out loud every time I see them.

The first is a giant billboard mostly taken up by the word "Mississippi", except with the ss reversed so they make you do a dyslexic double-take I guess.  And then at the top it reads: "Our children can't read!" which in itself is already so pitiful and plaintive.  

THEN at the bottom it reads: "We are all losers!"

So comically sad!  I have half a mind to call the 800 number and console whoever answers by pointing out that California is 49th in the country for primary ed.  And its housing bubble burst.  And every year its wildfires drive everyone to the sea.  Rob Lowe's house was worth less than his mortgage AND it burned down.

(And I'll be there in a week.  I'm so excited I could cry.)

The other is actually two signs.  So you know the McDonald's just past the Hwy 12 entrance to Starkville?  Right where it crosses Spring Street?  Yeah, so they have a message up that reads: "FREE LATTES" (you read this and then immediately think, "What the fuck?  Am I in Carmel?").  

Then, you know the Strange Brew coffee place/gas station on the corner?  Well their little message board for their sign is basically right next to the McDonald's one.  And it reads: "IT'S A TRAP!"  I almost drove off the road.

Now every time you enter Starkville by this route you must shout "it's a trap!"